This body of work was photographed as I contemplated dissolving my almost 25 year marriage at the time. Early conditioning that divorce was a failure and lack of self esteem from a difficult childhood made this decision unbearable. I knew what I had to do, I just could not see it through.

During this time, to soothe myself in the only way I knew how, I took my camera and took self portraits outdoors and this process of seeing myself as I felt no one else did, helped me make my decision.

The monochrome images were taken on several different occasions in the woods in the late winter of 2023. The state of the landscape matched my feelings at the time; barren, lost, colorless and hopeless. I am shown as a blurry figure in some images, mirroring my feelings of the loss of my sense of self.

As I came mentally closer to making my decision, with a lighter heart, I found myself drawn to sunrises and color and beauty again. This is apparent in the later series taken on the same day at a local pond. I am wearing the same blue dress in all the images on this page.